Henna, Dancing & Social Indigestion

It is said that where there is a Wedding, there is family drama. No occasion is considered complete without some social mishaps.

At least that is what I hear. This past weekend I attended a Wedding reception from my in-laws side. It was a small cozy event with only close relatives and 1 or 2 friends of the groom. I assumed was hoping that since it is such a close knit group of people nothing Bad could happen. Deep down I think we all were just waiting for the bubble to burst.

The weekend kicked off with the Mehndi (Henna ceremony). It included amazing Henna artists putting Henna on girls, with fast paced Bollywood music & dancing and a lot of jokes and laughter; let’s not forget the amazing food! This event was followed by another fun (The Reception) event with tasty food, family photos and an emotional/unexpected speech from the Groom’s mom.

As I sit here now, I think back on all the different types of people who make or break the Event! People who add to the drama, people who add to the fun. And regardless of the size of the wedding, you see all or most of these people lurking around the Desi Wedding.

HERE IS A LIST OF 9 TYPES OF PEOPLE YOU ENCOUNTER AT A DESI WEDDING

  1. The Overly EnthusiasticYou see them even before you enter the premises. They are the ones running around frantically trying to be a part of all the activities and/or selfies taking place around the house/Hall. They are mostly super coordinated with matching shoes and clothes with the perfect hair (you can tell they spent a lot of time planning this). Also, don’t be surprised if they break into a synchronized Bollywood routine. They have been practicing for a while now.
  2. The Food HunterThese are the people who are only in it for the FOOD*ahem*hubby. These people try to be as late as they can possibly be to be event in order to avoid any awkwards Hellos and Salams …encounters with the “Over enthusiastic” Aunties. Their attention is reserved for the waiters who are busy setting up the buffet. As soon as the Dinner is announced, these type of people submerge in the long line, fill up their plates and are GONE. You are lucky if you get to say Bye to them after the meal is done.
  3. The NonchalantThese are the most annoying kind. I mean it is one thing if its a distant wedding. But I have been noticing lately, that being nonchalant at a close family wedding has become a TREND now. I mean the EXTENT is that I met a nonchalant GROOM for God’s Sakes! These are people who want nothing to do with anything! They are uncomfortable under the limelight, they don’t like the crowd… They do not cooperate in the Rasam-o-Riwaaj (Traditions/Customs). They just want the event to be over so they can go home, wear their PJ’s and do absolutely nothing.
  4. The NitpickerOh these people are sO common. I feel like its a cultural thing. The Nitpickers are people who always …somehow or the other… find flaws in an otherwise perfect wedding. They will go to any extent for that. For eg. The Biryani may not have enough Aaloo (Potato). Or like the Food/Decor won’t be as good as their so-and-so relative’s wedding… and something horrible I heard was that the BRIDE’s Makeup “was just ugly” and made her look “fat”.True Story. it is HER BIG DAY. Let her enjoy and look how ever the hell she wants to look. YOU HAD YOU TIME AUNTY! ZIP IT AND Enjoy or GET OUT.
  5. The Jahayz (Dowry) Hawk(Very closely related to The Nitpicker above)
    These Ooh these people. Okay so in the Desi Culture it is a custom for the Girl’s parents to give her gifts for herself and gifts for the new in-laws. I feel it is just a way for parents to show their love and ensure that their daughter is comfortable, with everything she needs in her new home. Although it is a fading custom, in some family’s (well not like entire families but few people in the families) people make a huge deal out of it. They are greedy and not co-operative at all. They don’t understand that whatever the Bride is bringing is for HER OWN USE not YOURS. Yet who can stop the aunties. They keep a sharp eye out for all the gifts in order to make an estimate of the millions spent on the wedding. Their focus may range from the Gold jewelry to the clothes to the electric appliances & furniture in the new Bridal Room.
  6. The Taaroo Maroo (Gawker)This is not so common any more.. but I have experienced incidents where there would be guys just lurking around in the background gawkinnnng at the pretty decked out girls… also… some would sneak in a picture or two !! :@ The list is not limited to guys though…it may involve aunties looking for prospective Bahu’s (Daughter in Laws). They may gawk at your dressing from afar.. or if they are bold enough, may come up to you to ask your name and/or parents’ information (yup happened to me).
  7. The Unleashed KidsSomething gets into the kids! A perfectly calm child would start running around the Halls and jumping up and down the stage stairs…spilling drinks every where…I think it is the fact that the Mommies are decked up and in heels so they know it would be hard to chase them. But yea, I have yet to go to a wedding where the kids are really as calm as I KNOW they are at home.
  8. The Free LoaderOkay so these type of people are also very common in Pakistan. Now as I understand, in the west, the events are organized down to where each person is going to sit and exactly what they are going to eat. You get invites… and you RSVP to events accordingly. BUT! here it is not the same way. It is not uncommon for people to bring other “uninvited” guests to the wedding and reply “oh they were visiting and wanted to see the bride. I am not gonna lie, I my self have attended weddings of my Cousin’s friends that I was never invited to. The good thing is that people are very generous with seating arrangements and the buffet. So there is always plenty of food to go around. Although a lot of my friends have this view that “if I don’t know them please don’t bring them to my wedding”. Which is completely understandable. People spend a lot of money on these things and even 1 person seating can throw off the whole system. 🙂 supposedly.
    So this is people bringing unwanted Plus 1s. There are events, as witnessed by many of my friends and hubby as well… that people sometimes just dress up and walk in to RANDOM weddings!! for the food mostly… Wedding Crashers come to life!!
  9. The Persistent PhotographerI personally Love taking pictures. I like to look through old photos …make memories…and re-live some moments. Some people, on the other hand, find it absolutely embarrassing to do the Bridal Photo shoot. Which may or may not involve quirky poses and awkward staring into each others eyes. And to top it all off… some people close to faint when faced with a seriously “challenging” photographer who has set his mind to ensuring that he goes out with AT LEAST 100 different poses. He will  continuously try to make the bride twirl to take the perfect shot.. or nag the Groom to look at his new bride with puppy eyes… He will call all the girls SISTER do this do that… and he is happiest when aunties tell him to take portraits of Single Girls who are ready to be betrothed off to the next guy that walks into the wedding!

So that’s it folks. Let me know if you have something to add to this list …through your experiences.

P.S. This post is based on Real Life Events.
P.P.S. Disclaimer

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