“what you allow will continue”

I came across an article recently and it had this beautiful line. The author repeated it many times throughout the article. To a normal person maybe it would be just another line maybe. Words. Every reader/viewer has their own perspective. Everyone grabs the lesson differently. Different people of different points of view. The line was something like:

What you allow will continue; what continues will escalate.

How brilliant is that? I quickly wrote it down in my notebook. There was SO MUCH hidden in that one sentence and I could relate to it on so many levels.

Lately I joined a group where women from different walks of life come together to chat, discuss their lives, happiness, problems etc. On that group, I realized there are SO MANY women with issues so huge that they make my problems look minute and selfish. There are people out there who really have no say what so ever in their own lives in their own homes. So in hopes of helping one of them out I wrote that line in a comment. What you allow will continue…

Why is it so hard for people (yes women and men) to realize that they are so afraid of “log kia kahenge?” (What would people say?) That they let bad things happen to them. They LET people manipulate them and send them on guilt trips. Somehow they are convinced that everything that goes wrong is their fault. And all the chores and responsibilities are theirs to fulfill.

Why is it so that people have different rules applicable for themselves and for others? If you allow people to treat you like that it will continue… and believe me eventually it will increase. Initially they test waters to see what your threshold is. And unless you show some resistance, it will keep on increasing.

Resistance is key. Learn to resist once in a while. Learn to say NO once in a while.

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Having Friends who tell their mom everything

There is nothing wrong with that. Being friends with your mom is a blessing (I believe). I personally was never that close to my mom to tell her ALL about what was on my mind, but I surely have had a fair share of friends who do.

Their attachment was alien to me. I never understood it. For me, Mothers were just that; Mothers. Mothers were authoritarians and Compliance Officers. Friends were the people you shared your crushes with, or experimented shiny makeup with, or laughed-till-you-cried  with…

In fact one of my cousins was like that. It was the 3 of us; born the same year. We lived apart, but used to have a blast every time we got together. Eventually I started noticing how 1 of them was telling my aunt EVERY thing. And then … I sort of drifted apart. I just was not comfortable. If I wanted my Aunt ( and as a result my mom) knowing everything I would have told her myself, thank you very much.

In light of recent events I realized, a friend of mine has been discussing “ME stories” with her Mother. And I don’t understand how that is OKAY. If I am entrusting you with my feelings and secrets, they should go to your grave. And that is how I am. I never let my mom … or my husband… go through my Facebook inbox or my mails or Whatsapp messages. They are places where my friends share their thoughts and deepest concerns with me. And they are for me. ME only. Not for me to discuss and gossip with around my family when I am bored.

Some people really need to understand the concept of Trust. It is embarrassing for me to even point it out because it is not something you can not teach any one. The best possible way is to avoid such scenarios.

slightly annoyed.

The Talk

We all know that “Talk”right? The one our moms have with us right before we are married. (In some cases you hear it all through your teenage life.) You know the one I’m talking about;

Here is a roundup of the Top 4 offensive things that are often said to Desi Bride-to-Be’s

  1. “My daughter, you are getting married into a nice family, be thankful of that.”

    (jee mom you say that as if I don’t deserve them) .

  2. “Take care of them. Behave. Always stay quiet. If they say something just ignore it. Do not reply back. Respect the in-laws.”

    (What does respect have to do with staying quiet? why are we teaching our daughters that? speaking up for your self in a manner that is not offensive to any body is also do-able you know)

  3. “Don’t work if your husband does not allow it.”

    (well is he promising to spoil you like your dad did and to take care of all your expenses and demands? oh puhlease… educate the girls! Teach them to be independent so they have the opportunity to explore who they are and what they desire to become…& not just a shadow. if she personally wants to stay at home? that is her choice. Luckily that’s the one good thing about being a girl 🙂 you can choose).

  4. Learn how to cook perfectly! Serve their guests when they come over other wise they will question your mother’s upbringing.

    (WHO THE HECK put the meter to measure a woman’s upbringing INSIDE a CUP OF TEA made by her DAUGHTER?)

As per my experience, 85% of the “Talk” has been conducted with the young ladies and not the gentlemen. As a mother of a little boy, I feel it is just as important to have that TALK with a boy as with girls. For more honest take on that please watch this space!

Please read a post I have previously wrote to the Parents of Daughters.

xox

Struggles of a Working Homemaker

People like to believe that men and women are equal.

Well. News flash. They are not.

The biggest difference between a man and a woman is that women are, in general, multi-taskers. As difficult as it may be for some girls to tap into it, believe me you have it in yourself to do a bunch of different and totally non related tasks all at once. It just comes naturally to us.

We can be in the worst of our mood swings and yet manage to wake up early, make breakfast, make lunch for the kids, wake the kids up..get them ready for school, wake up hubby.. get ready ourselves, AND THEN get to WORK on time. Yes we are capable of it.

Every day is a struggle! but you gotta hustle.. hustle hard all the time. no matter how difficult it may seem. My advice to all the young women out there is to try and manage a little bit of themselves and add a little ME-TIME in your schedule.

I know you are a Mom, Wife, Daughter but you are a “ME” too.  Do not forget yourself in the midst of these responsibilities.

LIVE your age !!! And adjust your routine to suit YOU. Stop compromising your life and dreams for others. And trust me, right now you would feel that you are doing it (sacrificing) for people you love. Eventually that feeling will turn into resentment. You will regret all the time you wasted slaving away without any appreciation and recognition.

Manage your time smartly. It is possible and many women do it. There is no excuse for you to not work out, read a magazine/book, go out with a friend or wear makeup to work. It is the little things that can lift your mood. Make a schedule and stick to it.

hehe I know some of you want to sleep in, so DO THAT! Do what ever you think would make you Happier and recharge your batteries to work and perform harder and better the next time you go into the pool of responsibilities.