Kids & Social Anxiety

I have lately been noticing that my son gets uneasy around a large gathering of people. Maybe it is just me, but I could swear that he has developed social anxiety. As a first time mom, I was totally confused how to tackle it.

So I turned to the good ole Google. This is the definition it gave me:

Children and teens with social anxiety disorder have an excessive and persistent fear of social and/or performance situations such as school, parties, athletic activities, and more.

It involved intense self-consciousness and fear of embarrassment… Mostly what i got from google was what my husband kept telling me: “It is all in your head.” In addition, google kept giving lists and lists of symptoms that would go to show that a child really does have social anxiety.

I feel bad for using these terms without actually understanding the depth of them. So I have completely stopped saying it. I can’t imagine people actually having these feelings, and I hope my son or any ones child for that matter, goes through such a horrible ordeal. We use these words so lightly and deliver our diagnosis with no real knowledge of Psychology. It is normal if a child has fear of performing in public. And it is okay if they are fearful of an interaction. We all learn from our mistakes and we as mothers should encourage our kids to move forward and MAKE mistakes… just so we can look back and measure the extent of our learning.

Try not to instill fear of negative evaluation in your child. Always explain the child what they are doing wrong instead of yelling and screaming at them. Trust me they do understand, and if not at first, eventually do respond.

Long story short, I suppose he doesn’t sweat or shake or gets scared… but he does get irritable. WHICH is super irritating for me as well sometimes when I am trying to have an adult conversation with a friend or relative. After a lot of random researching, and discussions with hubby, I was constantly pointed towards the fact that a lot of “Only children” have these symptoms. They are so used to being alone, they prefer to avoid large gatherings, or weddings or play-dates that involve too many kids. Even when I take him to the Play Area at McDonald’s or the mall, he wants me to be within sight range. I guess the children without siblings are not used to the concept of sharing so much. I just hope he grows out of it with age as a lot of mothers have said he will.

*fingers crossed*

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Hate Projection

In different parts of life, we have often had a feeling that a certain someone “hates” us. The feeling does not necessarily follow an event or negative encounter but usually stems from our own paranoia.

Our negatives thoughts and behaviors are molded by the experiences we have growing up. This could include a wide range of haphazard, annoying, frustrating little things. Now I am no psychologist, but I feel that mostly this is because we make assumptions to fill in the gaps or things we don’t understand. Or to justify our own feelings of Hate or negativity towards a person/thing/incident.

I used to read all this stuff about Freud, and I discovered that he also talked about projecting your inner (subconscious) feelings that are not dealt with,  on to an external source. And by doing that (projecting  your inner feelings on others) you are still not released from the tension. You STILL feel trapped between those emotions

…and that my friend is such an unhappy reality to be a part of! It is not comfortable at ALL. You would THINK by transferring the feelings of hate you will be free, in reality you are still a part of it, you are still anxious and mad and incomplete…

It is completely normal to be doing that by the way. If you are projecting your inner hate on to others who don’t deserve it, it is OK. What is not OK is that you are so engrossed in that belief that everything else around you is negative as well. Once in a while, you should take a step back and ask yourself “What am I thinking?” It is a healthy exercise….that you should be aware of the fact that you are projecting. Only then can you control it. If you refuse to recognize its existence, you give it power to control you and your mind!

Other times, you may develop feelings of undue resentment towards someone. Not saying that it is pointless 100% of the time, but mostly I have analyzed that people start resenting indirectly (…but then i am no psychologist).

But think of this…for example, if your parents spoil the youngest child and give in to their demands often, the older sibling may start developing those feelings towards the younger sib. Maybe that is because it is easier to feel that way for a sibling than for a parent. Eventually it grows and takes over your thoughts. To the point that you start seeing every “Youngest Child” in that light. You think they are spoiled brats who don’t deserve to have it easy; because you had to go the harder path they should too. Life does not work that way. No one is given the same deals. It is like those Surprise Santa Boxes. You can only pick one and hope for the best. No one knows what you will unwrap. 

I’m gonna be honest. I am currently trying to cleanse my mind of these projections as well. I woke up at like 4 am. with like so much ARGhhhhhhhhhh towards someone who doesn’t even know. ANd im thinking “dude they are sleeping soundly and here I am all anxious ..victim of insomnia” So I quickly started writing. This way I can remind myself. it.is.just.me.thinking.these.things.they.are.not.real.

Keep Reminding Your Self.

Always.

Do not waste your time thinking things that have no base.

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How awesome is that? seriously, haven’t you heard so many times that people only say gossip about others because that is how they are inside. that is how they feel about themselves? Human mind is so awesome and complex. you could literally keep talking about it and the topics won’t stop.

xo