Kids & Social Anxiety

I have lately been noticing that my son gets uneasy around a large gathering of people. Maybe it is just me, but I could swear that he has developed social anxiety. As a first time mom, I was totally confused how to tackle it.

So I turned to the good ole Google. This is the definition it gave me:

Children and teens with social anxiety disorder have an excessive and persistent fear of social and/or performance situations such as school, parties, athletic activities, and more.

It involved intense self-consciousness and fear of embarrassment… Mostly what i got from google was what my husband kept telling me: “It is all in your head.” In addition, google kept giving lists and lists of symptoms that would go to show that a child really does have social anxiety.

I feel bad for using these terms without actually understanding the depth of them. So I have completely stopped saying it. I can’t imagine people actually having these feelings, and I hope my son or any ones child for that matter, goes through such a horrible ordeal. We use these words so lightly and deliver our diagnosis with no real knowledge of Psychology. It is normal if a child has fear of performing in public. And it is okay if they are fearful of an interaction. We all learn from our mistakes and we as mothers should encourage our kids to move forward and MAKE mistakes… just so we can look back and measure the extent of our learning.

Try not to instill fear of negative evaluation in your child. Always explain the child what they are doing wrong instead of yelling and screaming at them. Trust me they do understand, and if not at first, eventually do respond.

Long story short, I suppose he doesn’t sweat or shake or gets scared… but he does get irritable. WHICH is super irritating for me as well sometimes when I am trying to have an adult conversation with a friend or relative. After a lot of random researching, and discussions with hubby, I was constantly pointed towards the fact that a lot of “Only children” have these symptoms. They are so used to being alone, they prefer to avoid large gatherings, or weddings or play-dates that involve too many kids. Even when I take him to the Play Area at McDonald’s or the mall, he wants me to be within sight range. I guess the children without siblings are not used to the concept of sharing so much. I just hope he grows out of it with age as a lot of mothers have said he will.

*fingers crossed*

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Chicken Pox in spite of Vaccination

So I have been absent for some time. Sadly, my son got Chicken Pox.

I am the kind of mom that is always ON TOP of things. I make sure I have alarms set for any up coming doctor’s appointments, I have school events scheduled on my phone, I have a calculated method of when the powder milk will run out, and regardless of having a full time job, I ensure I get him ready for school in the morning.

So you can imagine my shock, when despite ensuring that all the vaccinations have been completed as per age requirements-calling the hospital a gazillionnnnn times to confirm the ones that are not- he got Chicken Pox.

Initially I thought it was just a regular allergic reaction. Yea, I thought that. AND APPARENTLY so do a lot of moms. But luckily just the next day I noticed that the blisters were starting to form.  I immediately took him to see a Dermatologist at one of the biggest hospitals available in our city.

What was shocking for me was the following:

a) Chicken Pox isn’t just triggered, it is usually caught from someone. My poor baby unfortunately got it from his PlayGroup. So when the Dr. said there is a 90% chance he got it from school IF no one at HOME as it, I called the Montessori.

b) When I contacted the school, they immediately checked the students in his class. Turns out a student HAD it and had been coming to school regardless. I was so surprised to know that. I was a little bit furious also. I mean the FIRST thing I did was isolate him. I guess a lot of 1st time mothers really have no clue about it.

So, in the light of that, here is a list of things you should DO and you should NOT do when you feel your child has weird itchy rashes/blisters/varicella:

  1. DO Not. I repeat, Do not send your kid to any public place i.e School, Playground, malls etc. where other kids might have a danger of catching it.
  2. See a Doctor immediately. So you know exactly what your child has and can medicate him accordingly.
  3. Do not give them a shower until you consult a doctor. It would just spread the germs and may even dry out the skin therefore making it itchier.
  4. Spread Neem Tree (Azadirachta indica) leaves all over the sleeping/chilling area of your kid and throw a sheet over it. Neem has antiseptic qualities …plus all the grandmas suggest it so there must be a method to it.
  5. Use Calamine lotion as per Dr’s instructions… do not over do it… again… it may over dry the skin and make it worse…
  6. and the famous.. DO NOT SCRATCH===> It will scar.
  7. Do isolate your kid, keep them in a separate room preferably… clean the room/bathroom regularly… change sheets daily until they Chicken pox is completely gone.

Other than that.. please consult and follow what your dr. has prescribed for your child. Keep him/her safe.. along with other kids. And read a little bit.. it will enhance your common sense!

xo

Not just a Mother

Yes. I am a mother. But I am a woman too. I want to tell all the mommies out there that once in a while it is OK to put yourself first.

As a fellow Mommy I understand that raising a baby is a tough! tough job. It requires a 25 hr shift (yea not 24…25) and requires you to be on your toes constantly. And why wouldn’t you be? It is not the most easiest thing to have a part of you walking out n about in the world. When my baby (now 2.5 yr old) was born, it was as if someone had ripped my heart out and given it a life of its own.

But if I were to be completely honest… after a while… the Me inside started speaking up too. She wanted a little independence, a little alone time. Or to be able to finish a movie in one Go. To apply makeup properly when going out…to be able to hold a conversation with your friend..Maybe even a career?

Why is it that every time I hint..not say..HINt at that thought people get offended? What I have figured out for Sure is that Most women feel this way but are too ashamed to admit. They are pushed into a Guilt trip by society..every time they try to convey their desire to have more to life than changing diapers n cooking.

The Alone Time

Out of all the things a woman changes about her lifestyle post children, the one that is missed mostttt is Alone time.

Wearing heels

The pre preg body

Uninterrupted gossip with friends

To me it seems like a thing of the past…. maybe like from prehistoric times? My God. Sometimes I spend most of my day waiting for the clock to strike 6pm and my husband to come home. That way atleast the child’s attention is divided. And it’s OK. Why do I feel bad about it all the time?

Trust me it is (more often than not) other Women who instill the guilt in you. Men rarely respond to such talks.

It is other mothers who are quick to pass judgements. Come ON ladies!! Show some #girllove. We are all in this together. We fight and struggle as if it is a competition. It IS OK to be yourself sometimes, cut back on the chores, relaxxx some. Enjoy the messy house or the dishes in the sink. Do what you think would make you feel better. It could be anything .. go shopping.. or surf facebook..or read a book.

And know this: if you are a happy person who is emotionally in touch with one self… you would definitly proove to be a better mommy! Find something you love and do it regularly to be refreshedddd and rejuvenate…

Find a fellow mommy friend to whine and complain to. We all once in a while need to drop the ‘I have my Sh*t together’ facade.

And one day hopefully.. it would be a thing of routine and not just ‘feminist talks’ as some people put it. It would be normal for moms to have a life of their own too, and it would be OK to leave ur 6 month old go to the salon and get a much needed facial. And maybe, we would stop judging different parenting methods.

Xox

I should go play soccer with my baby now. I think I am abusing the Me-time 😀

 

Inspired by a Post I saw on Facebook…