The Common Denominator

The one lesson life repeatedly teaches you is that Being nice does not entitle you to be treated the same way.

Experiences as an adult are way different than those of a child. You could scold a child or maybe even give em a little smacking (not so shocking in the desi culture) but exactly 3 minutes later the child will forget all about it and smile and laugh and play around… They will still love you like they did before. It doesn’t quite work like that in the adult world, it’s like the opposite actually.

Some times you face situations where you do not even understand what your fault is. Your thoughts are consumed by the wrong that has been done to you. the hard wayUnless you say something about it, nothing good comes of it… The thinking I mean. Because the person in front of you feels the same way and they WILL make it a point always to ensure you get less than what you deserve. A key lesson here is that, you need to stand your ground from Day 1. You decide how you will be treated. You decide respect & love & care. If you compromise in the beginning? Be prepared to compromise forever because you will be expected to. Any deviation from the same will leave you with a horrid label; bi*chy, always complaining/whining blah blah.

Your energy initially should be focused on figuring out THAT recurring thing in the situation. What is that ONE thing… or that ONE PERSON who is constantly creating ripples. and once you have got that figured out. Avoid it. Possibly ….try to get rid of it. *cue evil music 😉

Also, once you identify that source of negativity, try to avoid sharing your life with them.
Not every life event needs a Facebook check-In, or an Instagram tag. privacy policyGot a promotion? New piece of jewelry? Anniversary party? Traveling to an exotic location? NO NEED to share your happiness with people who are just not equipped to handle it. Your happiness is for you and you only. It is for people you love and who love you back. Be very careful with whom you share your life with. I recently saw this picture on Facebook and thought to share it. It is SO TRUE. Your story is not for any timeline. The happiest moments can’t be captured in an Insta post. Try and enjoy life as it is happening!

Once you really start to mentally eliminate the negative source from your life, you can truly be happy.

xo

Also check out Dreams Deadline and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!

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Hate Projection

In different parts of life, we have often had a feeling that a certain someone “hates” us. The feeling does not necessarily follow an event or negative encounter but usually stems from our own paranoia.

Our negatives thoughts and behaviors are molded by the experiences we have growing up. This could include a wide range of haphazard, annoying, frustrating little things. Now I am no psychologist, but I feel that mostly this is because we make assumptions to fill in the gaps or things we don’t understand. Or to justify our own feelings of Hate or negativity towards a person/thing/incident.

I used to read all this stuff about Freud, and I discovered that he also talked about projecting your inner (subconscious) feelings that are not dealt with,  on to an external source. And by doing that (projecting  your inner feelings on others) you are still not released from the tension. You STILL feel trapped between those emotions

…and that my friend is such an unhappy reality to be a part of! It is not comfortable at ALL. You would THINK by transferring the feelings of hate you will be free, in reality you are still a part of it, you are still anxious and mad and incomplete…

It is completely normal to be doing that by the way. If you are projecting your inner hate on to others who don’t deserve it, it is OK. What is not OK is that you are so engrossed in that belief that everything else around you is negative as well. Once in a while, you should take a step back and ask yourself “What am I thinking?” It is a healthy exercise….that you should be aware of the fact that you are projecting. Only then can you control it. If you refuse to recognize its existence, you give it power to control you and your mind!

Other times, you may develop feelings of undue resentment towards someone. Not saying that it is pointless 100% of the time, but mostly I have analyzed that people start resenting indirectly (…but then i am no psychologist).

But think of this…for example, if your parents spoil the youngest child and give in to their demands often, the older sibling may start developing those feelings towards the younger sib. Maybe that is because it is easier to feel that way for a sibling than for a parent. Eventually it grows and takes over your thoughts. To the point that you start seeing every “Youngest Child” in that light. You think they are spoiled brats who don’t deserve to have it easy; because you had to go the harder path they should too. Life does not work that way. No one is given the same deals. It is like those Surprise Santa Boxes. You can only pick one and hope for the best. No one knows what you will unwrap. 

I’m gonna be honest. I am currently trying to cleanse my mind of these projections as well. I woke up at like 4 am. with like so much ARGhhhhhhhhhh towards someone who doesn’t even know. ANd im thinking “dude they are sleeping soundly and here I am all anxious ..victim of insomnia” So I quickly started writing. This way I can remind myself. it.is.just.me.thinking.these.things.they.are.not.real.

Keep Reminding Your Self.

Always.

Do not waste your time thinking things that have no base.

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How awesome is that? seriously, haven’t you heard so many times that people only say gossip about others because that is how they are inside. that is how they feel about themselves? Human mind is so awesome and complex. you could literally keep talking about it and the topics won’t stop.

xo