your spare time & the real you

It is relatively easier to determine what someone else likes to do. What their personality is, or how they will react to certain situations.

On the other hand, it is extremely difficult to examine what you want your self. Mostly because you are so busy conforming to the norms of society that you sort of loose touch with your self. At least in the cases I have seen.

So I turned to good ole Google again (as I often like to do).

Leisure has been defined as a quality of experience or as free time. Free time is time spent away from business, work, job hunting, domestic chores, and education. It also excludes time spent on necessary activities such as eating and sleeping.

It is not what we do all day. It is essentially the little things we do through out the day-on the side- that define us. Like for me, I started noticing more and more that when I am on my smartphone, I like to watch makeup videos, or scroll through Insta-feed of Fashion bloggers, or make a pattern of fashion trends and guess upcoming trends. In short, it started shaping up and pointing out that I am in love with Glam! (Who isn’t?). But seriously, what you like to do in you spare time is basically what you should be doing all along.

I noticed, for example, my brother; he likes reading financial daily type magazines and he watches the stock market and he invests and he in on top of all things in financial industry. He has involved “finance” in every aspect of his life.

I for one want to leave my work behind. Don’t get me wrong, I really like my job. It is just …cumbersome for me. At the end of the day, when I am re arranging my priorities (as much as health and time allows) Office work is not exactly at the top of that list. When I am at work, I am quick n efficient. I take followups, I am self sufficient. Sometimes I do other people’s work. Because in my head, I am thinking, this is what will define ME as a person and my over all success in life. But comes 5:30 pm and Mama is OUT! I mean it is the first thing I take OFF of my plate (in a sense). My foremost priority is my son! and everything else follows.

After discussing this with my brother, he made me realize that it has not been that way all along. He has developed a consistent and deliberate habit and it was a conscious choice. Not a thing that happened by chance.

Now see, this is when I came to know:

The difference between him & I was The need. The want to be consistent. The effort you put in to make it into a habit. 

During my research I also came across a speaker called Matthew Kelly. I was instantly attracted to his P.O.V. He says:

“Everyday we make choices. Many can seem inconsequential, but one builds upon another and in the end our choices define who we become. Little choices matter because they become the foundation for bigger decisions.”

and then I read about what Jack Ma said. He says, that your time after work (after 6 to when you go to bed) is the time that truly determines your success. Not the 8 hours spent at work.

You have to be spending at least 1 hr on yourself everyday in order to grow and prosper.

So darling, What do you do in your spare time?

 

 

Lost hope, Lost Love

My mamma used to tell me “Beta har cheez jannay ki zaroorat nahi” in short that translates to “Ignorance is a bliss”. And boy was she right; in some cases.

When you are starting to freshly experience life as a young adult everything is about the NEW and EXCITEMENT. Things are either Black or White. There is rarely any grey area. I meet girls who are desperate to get married or very much against marriage. When asked about the reason why they feel a certain way they mostly point to instances that have taken place in their personal life, or in their circle (family or friends). They are missing the spark of hope. Hope for happiness, hope for feeling deserving of attention and love.

What I have been noticing in “early to  mid 20s” lot lately is that their idea of life and love and reality is very obscure. Is it the fact that too much knowledge is at hand now for these young women? Are they finding out unnecessary information that really is no business to a girl in her 20’s? all the instagramming and facebooking screwing up perspectives of life. Life doesn’t come with Filters honey, you have to create what you can with what you have available.

They have initially set super high expectations of the way life SHOULD be, and then they feel its too ideal and unrealistic. Something that, the chances of which are very minimal.

I used to feel the same way, and eventually I discovered something. At the turn of ‘adulthood’ I was finally starting to realize the difference. I knew that falling in love (crush) came with a thrill; an unknown…short term relationships were experimental and involved late night chats and shallow promises.

but LOVING continuously was a chore.. (in a good way). In order to love your partner the same amount as yesterday or more you had to struggle every day. every. day.

It is human nature; we tend to start taking things for granted after a while. In a long term relationship …in marriage you have to constantly remind your self of the first few moments of feelings that brought you here in the first place. You have to remind yourself day and night. When you feel down, when you feel like something is not right…

it is like you are planting a seed… and your hands are muddy… and you are sweating… and it is so!much! work! But you have ultimate hope in your heart that it will, in the end, bloom into a beautiful flower… 🙂

So what I am saying is that, happiness in a relationship is not attained in isolation. The daily aspects of “planting a seed of love and effort” are necessary for your input to grow and flourish.

At this point so many girls have said to me “IT is not a one-way traffic. There should be some sort of response from the other party as well”. Yes, you are right, but don’t you think the other person is thinking the same thing? At least start doing something nice, and you will see results…and have hope girls. Have hope. The Universe provides.

Why are you stuck in this career? You should be somewhere else…

Has anyone ever asked you that? or told you that you would be so much better at XYZ. I think this question is triggered because of the clash/contrast between personality and the job that you do.

I was asked once.. and then again many times..by different people;

Why are you stuck in this field?

In normal circumstances I just avoid or ignore the question. If I scratch through the surface and go deeper into the question I ask myself:

Why is ANYONE stuck in a job they don’t like/enjoy/admire/are-passionate-about?

It is because people are too afraid. They feel obligated to follow a decision that was made FOR them maybe 10 years ago. I don’t get it. What is up with the system? Why are 18 year old children forced to make a decision on what they want to do for the NEXT 40 YEARS of their lives? I mean who knows what they want to do at 18? very few. And more often than not (after graduation) people immediately start to regret their decisions.

sdf

Very few are lucky enough to know exactly what they want.

Even fewer are bold enough to accept it and go for it.

…and EVEN fewer are willing to go against the current for it.

It is much much easier to do the norm. To adopt a cookie-cutter career choice.

Any one from the Desi community would relate to this:

“Son, you can either be an Engineer or Lawyer.” yea no other options.

“Daughter, you will be a doctor.” Period. No more discussion. Any other occupation and you don’t qualify to be on the Goody List of the Khaandan (extended family).

As a mother, I pray that one day I can be as supportive of my son’s dreams and passions as I wish someone would have done for me. I pray that he finds what he is passionate about and does it with honesty and integrity. And I wish all the success to him in all endeavors of life.

 

 

Disclaimer.

The Common Denominator

The one lesson life repeatedly teaches you is that Being nice does not entitle you to be treated the same way.

Experiences as an adult are way different than those of a child. You could scold a child or maybe even give em a little smacking (not so shocking in the desi culture) but exactly 3 minutes later the child will forget all about it and smile and laugh and play around… They will still love you like they did before. It doesn’t quite work like that in the adult world, it’s like the opposite actually.

Some times you face situations where you do not even understand what your fault is. Your thoughts are consumed by the wrong that has been done to you. the hard wayUnless you say something about it, nothing good comes of it… The thinking I mean. Because the person in front of you feels the same way and they WILL make it a point always to ensure you get less than what you deserve. A key lesson here is that, you need to stand your ground from Day 1. You decide how you will be treated. You decide respect & love & care. If you compromise in the beginning? Be prepared to compromise forever because you will be expected to. Any deviation from the same will leave you with a horrid label; bi*chy, always complaining/whining blah blah.

Your energy initially should be focused on figuring out THAT recurring thing in the situation. What is that ONE thing… or that ONE PERSON who is constantly creating ripples. and once you have got that figured out. Avoid it. Possibly ….try to get rid of it. *cue evil music 😉

Also, once you identify that source of negativity, try to avoid sharing your life with them.
Not every life event needs a Facebook check-In, or an Instagram tag. privacy policyGot a promotion? New piece of jewelry? Anniversary party? Traveling to an exotic location? NO NEED to share your happiness with people who are just not equipped to handle it. Your happiness is for you and you only. It is for people you love and who love you back. Be very careful with whom you share your life with. I recently saw this picture on Facebook and thought to share it. It is SO TRUE. Your story is not for any timeline. The happiest moments can’t be captured in an Insta post. Try and enjoy life as it is happening!

Once you really start to mentally eliminate the negative source from your life, you can truly be happy.

xo

Also check out Dreams Deadline and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!

To the person who thinks I’m talking about you

Yes YOU. You know who you are. Always thinking that I am talking against/about/behind you. What you don’t see is that I am no gossiper like you. I do not have time for petty issues and the drama that you have so well embedded around the pathetic stage that you call L.I.F.E.

I don’t know why you would think that I worry about you and your whereabouts. Or GOD forbid, I am jealous of you? Cause really. I am far from it. I have no emotions related to you. I am so indifferent about you that I couldn’t care less if I tried. I do not have time. Don’t you see? Don’t you see when I come from a long day of work and I don’t complain? Don’t you see, when I am busy with my baby I don’t have enough strength to even look up? Don’t you see how many times I forget to eat dinner because the exhaustion won’t let me leave the bed? Don’t you realize how when you are sitting in front of me I smile a little more and talk a little less? Yes. It is because I am afraid. Cause I know you have a tendency to twist and turn all that I say. So I don’t speak. But don’t you believe that I do not speak UP because I don’t have a voice.

Oh I do. I have a voice. It is so strong, it shakes mountains. It is so vast that is resonates throughout the valley. It can be soft enough to soothe a crying baby. It can be sharp enough to put anyone in their place. However, you don’t have the strength or the intellect to understand the depth of it. I forever thought; “If I understand so does she/he”. No. What I now realize is that isn’t so. It never is.

So I keep my voice to myself. Until I meet someone who deserves to hear it and appreciate it. And to you I say, THAT person and his/her opinion matters. Not you. Or your thoughts. And I hereby refuse to acknowledge your voice. I don’t wanna hear it. I don’t have time. Keep your Star Plus dramas to yourself. Sshh!!

Regards,

Too busy being a mamawifeyME.

Office Politics

Late Friday night my boss calls me to tell me that he is removing my part of the presentation from the Meeting Agenda. Board of Directors’ Meeting that I was pretty excited for. Yes it would have been hard work, YES it would have taken a lot from me. But I’m not one to shy away from work! I thrive on responsibility and accountability and to be able to manage my time and different lists of To-Dos.

After an unbearably long weekend, this past week, I officially became a Cliché Adult. How you may ask? Well for starters:

  1. I hated waking up on MONDAY!
  2. I came to work and had grudges against my boss.
  3. I avoided all tasks and did NO work at all.
  4. Basically partied all day and got paid for it :p
  5. And whined about how I don’t get paid enough to do all the petty work I do around the office.

So yea. .. Is that how all these people feel? people i come across on a daily basis? people who don’t actually love their job…who hate going to work in the morning?  I always loved what I did. So I automatically enjoyed it. I never knew what it was like to feel nauseous at work. To HATE the people around you.  People you spend all day with. I spend more of my waking hours with them than I do with my baby. Tsk Tsk. This is SO NOT WHAT I thought it would be like. But…you gotta do what you gotta do. Just ignore it and hope it goes away.

I wish everyone gets to do their Dream Job. Life is too short to be wasted feeling grudges against people and to spend your days not having ACTUAL FUN!!

 

Struggles of a Working Homemaker

People like to believe that men and women are equal.

Well. News flash. They are not.

The biggest difference between a man and a woman is that women are, in general, multi-taskers. As difficult as it may be for some girls to tap into it, believe me you have it in yourself to do a bunch of different and totally non related tasks all at once. It just comes naturally to us.

We can be in the worst of our mood swings and yet manage to wake up early, make breakfast, make lunch for the kids, wake the kids up..get them ready for school, wake up hubby.. get ready ourselves, AND THEN get to WORK on time. Yes we are capable of it.

Every day is a struggle! but you gotta hustle.. hustle hard all the time. no matter how difficult it may seem. My advice to all the young women out there is to try and manage a little bit of themselves and add a little ME-TIME in your schedule.

I know you are a Mom, Wife, Daughter but you are a “ME” too.  Do not forget yourself in the midst of these responsibilities.

LIVE your age !!! And adjust your routine to suit YOU. Stop compromising your life and dreams for others. And trust me, right now you would feel that you are doing it (sacrificing) for people you love. Eventually that feeling will turn into resentment. You will regret all the time you wasted slaving away without any appreciation and recognition.

Manage your time smartly. It is possible and many women do it. There is no excuse for you to not work out, read a magazine/book, go out with a friend or wear makeup to work. It is the little things that can lift your mood. Make a schedule and stick to it.

hehe I know some of you want to sleep in, so DO THAT! Do what ever you think would make you Happier and recharge your batteries to work and perform harder and better the next time you go into the pool of responsibilities.