Lost hope, Lost Love

My mamma used to tell me “Beta har cheez jannay ki zaroorat nahi” in short that translates to “Ignorance is a bliss”. And boy was she right; in some cases.

When you are starting to freshly experience life as a young adult everything is about the NEW and EXCITEMENT. Things are either Black or White. There is rarely any grey area. I meet girls who are desperate to get married or very much against marriage. When asked about the reason why they feel a certain way they mostly point to instances that have taken place in their personal life, or in their circle (family or friends). They are missing the spark of hope. Hope for happiness, hope for feeling deserving of attention and love.

What I have been noticing in “early to  mid 20s” lot lately is that their idea of life and love and reality is very obscure. Is it the fact that too much knowledge is at hand now for these young women? Are they finding out unnecessary information that really is no business to a girl in her 20’s? all the instagramming and facebooking screwing up perspectives of life. Life doesn’t come with Filters honey, you have to create what you can with what you have available.

They have initially set super high expectations of the way life SHOULD be, and then they feel its too ideal and unrealistic. Something that, the chances of which are very minimal.

I used to feel the same way, and eventually I discovered something. At the turn of ‘adulthood’ I was finally starting to realize the difference. I knew that falling in love (crush) came with a thrill; an unknown…short term relationships were experimental and involved late night chats and shallow promises.

but LOVING continuously was a chore.. (in a good way). In order to love your partner the same amount as yesterday or more you had to struggle every day. every. day.

It is human nature; we tend to start taking things for granted after a while. In a long term relationship …in marriage you have to constantly remind your self of the first few moments of feelings that brought you here in the first place. You have to remind yourself day and night. When you feel down, when you feel like something is not right…

it is like you are planting a seed… and your hands are muddy… and you are sweating… and it is so!much! work! But you have ultimate hope in your heart that it will, in the end, bloom into a beautiful flower… 🙂

So what I am saying is that, happiness in a relationship is not attained in isolation. The daily aspects of “planting a seed of love and effort” are necessary for your input to grow and flourish.

At this point so many girls have said to me “IT is not a one-way traffic. There should be some sort of response from the other party as well”. Yes, you are right, but don’t you think the other person is thinking the same thing? At least start doing something nice, and you will see results…and have hope girls. Have hope. The Universe provides.

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The Common Denominator

The one lesson life repeatedly teaches you is that Being nice does not entitle you to be treated the same way.

Experiences as an adult are way different than those of a child. You could scold a child or maybe even give em a little smacking (not so shocking in the desi culture) but exactly 3 minutes later the child will forget all about it and smile and laugh and play around… They will still love you like they did before. It doesn’t quite work like that in the adult world, it’s like the opposite actually.

Some times you face situations where you do not even understand what your fault is. Your thoughts are consumed by the wrong that has been done to you. the hard wayUnless you say something about it, nothing good comes of it… The thinking I mean. Because the person in front of you feels the same way and they WILL make it a point always to ensure you get less than what you deserve. A key lesson here is that, you need to stand your ground from Day 1. You decide how you will be treated. You decide respect & love & care. If you compromise in the beginning? Be prepared to compromise forever because you will be expected to. Any deviation from the same will leave you with a horrid label; bi*chy, always complaining/whining blah blah.

Your energy initially should be focused on figuring out THAT recurring thing in the situation. What is that ONE thing… or that ONE PERSON who is constantly creating ripples. and once you have got that figured out. Avoid it. Possibly ….try to get rid of it. *cue evil music 😉

Also, once you identify that source of negativity, try to avoid sharing your life with them.
Not every life event needs a Facebook check-In, or an Instagram tag. privacy policyGot a promotion? New piece of jewelry? Anniversary party? Traveling to an exotic location? NO NEED to share your happiness with people who are just not equipped to handle it. Your happiness is for you and you only. It is for people you love and who love you back. Be very careful with whom you share your life with. I recently saw this picture on Facebook and thought to share it. It is SO TRUE. Your story is not for any timeline. The happiest moments can’t be captured in an Insta post. Try and enjoy life as it is happening!

Once you really start to mentally eliminate the negative source from your life, you can truly be happy.

xo

Also check out Dreams Deadline and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!

Not just a Mother

Yes. I am a mother. But I am a woman too. I want to tell all the mommies out there that once in a while it is OK to put yourself first.

As a fellow Mommy I understand that raising a baby is a tough! tough job. It requires a 25 hr shift (yea not 24…25) and requires you to be on your toes constantly. And why wouldn’t you be? It is not the most easiest thing to have a part of you walking out n about in the world. When my baby (now 2.5 yr old) was born, it was as if someone had ripped my heart out and given it a life of its own.

But if I were to be completely honest… after a while… the Me inside started speaking up too. She wanted a little independence, a little alone time. Or to be able to finish a movie in one Go. To apply makeup properly when going out…to be able to hold a conversation with your friend..Maybe even a career?

Why is it that every time I hint..not say..HINt at that thought people get offended? What I have figured out for Sure is that Most women feel this way but are too ashamed to admit. They are pushed into a Guilt trip by society..every time they try to convey their desire to have more to life than changing diapers n cooking.

The Alone Time

Out of all the things a woman changes about her lifestyle post children, the one that is missed mostttt is Alone time.

Wearing heels

The pre preg body

Uninterrupted gossip with friends

To me it seems like a thing of the past…. maybe like from prehistoric times? My God. Sometimes I spend most of my day waiting for the clock to strike 6pm and my husband to come home. That way atleast the child’s attention is divided. And it’s OK. Why do I feel bad about it all the time?

Trust me it is (more often than not) other Women who instill the guilt in you. Men rarely respond to such talks.

It is other mothers who are quick to pass judgements. Come ON ladies!! Show some #girllove. We are all in this together. We fight and struggle as if it is a competition. It IS OK to be yourself sometimes, cut back on the chores, relaxxx some. Enjoy the messy house or the dishes in the sink. Do what you think would make you feel better. It could be anything .. go shopping.. or surf facebook..or read a book.

And know this: if you are a happy person who is emotionally in touch with one self… you would definitly proove to be a better mommy! Find something you love and do it regularly to be refreshedddd and rejuvenate…

Find a fellow mommy friend to whine and complain to. We all once in a while need to drop the ‘I have my Sh*t together’ facade.

And one day hopefully.. it would be a thing of routine and not just ‘feminist talks’ as some people put it. It would be normal for moms to have a life of their own too, and it would be OK to leave ur 6 month old go to the salon and get a much needed facial. And maybe, we would stop judging different parenting methods.

Xox

I should go play soccer with my baby now. I think I am abusing the Me-time 😀

 

Inspired by a Post I saw on Facebook…