What it really means to have a newborn at hand.

A friend of mine had her first baby recently. When she finally got some time to herself, she texted me to ask some questions… important questions that NO ONE tells you about… and you can only begin to fathom once you yourself become a Mommy.

A snippet of conversation between my friend and I:

Me: “Hey, how are you?” 2:00 pm

Friend: “Sleepless. I have slept for a week!” (This is wen her daughter is 6 days old). This  is going to require a lot of change.” 2:34 pm

“Of course, a drastic change of lifestyle. Everything you have known or THINK you know is not going to make sense and it is like starting your life over.In this new role, with such an important responsibility.” 2:35 pm

“She wants to feed every 1 hour! I feel like I am going to die breastfeeding her…I am so sore all the time! Am I a bad mother? I think I want to consider bottle feeding…” 2:35 pm

“You can do what you think is feasible man,  bottle or no bottle; she is your daughter. You are the one staying up all night. YOU get to decide what is and is not good for her. Although I do suggest to try to stretch it a year … or at least 6-8 month of pure breastfeed as it is great for the kid’s health.” 2:36  pm

“I am so FAT. Will I ever get thin again? If I exclusively feed her? Will that work?” 2:45 pm

“It will to a certain extent. But to tone you need to work out-“2:45 pm

“HOW? I NEVER GET ANY TIME…she will ALWAYS be THERE!” 2:46 pm

“Try to make time.. after a while you will see her schedule will start shaping up and she will sleep more. You will get time to yourself” 2:47 pm

“I feel like all I do all day is change diapers and feed her. But I LOVE HER. SO it is all good” 3:05 pm

“I still feel that way. I work full time, and when I am home on the weekends I feel like that is all I am doing! And my son is Potty Trained.” 3:05 pm

“How will I POTTY TRAIN? I don’t know how to do that” 3:08 pm

“In good time things will come to you. All mothers manage to learn somehow”.3:08 pm

“I want to watch a movie, and relaxxxxx” 3:09 pm

“Relaxxx … remember you can’t pour from an empty cup..Do not be shy of asking for help, from your hubby or in laws or your mother or sis.. get some sleep when the baby sleeps. That way you will be up and ready to go next time she is up! You deserve it.”3:10 pm

” This is SO HARD. No one told me anything like this was gonna happen.” 3:11pm

“Yup. Welcome to Motherhood.”3:11pm

“I got to go. She pooped.”  3:23 pm

“Sure babe.” 3:23 pm 

2 days Later:

“Heyyyyy how are youuuu? hows the lil one?”

Last Seen 3:23pm

To be continued…

 

 

Having Friends who tell their mom everything

There is nothing wrong with that. Being friends with your mom is a blessing (I believe). I personally was never that close to my mom to tell her ALL about what was on my mind, but I surely have had a fair share of friends who do.

Their attachment was alien to me. I never understood it. For me, Mothers were just that; Mothers. Mothers were authoritarians and Compliance Officers. Friends were the people you shared your crushes with, or experimented shiny makeup with, or laughed-till-you-cried  with…

In fact one of my cousins was like that. It was the 3 of us; born the same year. We lived apart, but used to have a blast every time we got together. Eventually I started noticing how 1 of them was telling my aunt EVERY thing. And then … I sort of drifted apart. I just was not comfortable. If I wanted my Aunt ( and as a result my mom) knowing everything I would have told her myself, thank you very much.

In light of recent events I realized, a friend of mine has been discussing “ME stories” with her Mother. And I don’t understand how that is OKAY. If I am entrusting you with my feelings and secrets, they should go to your grave. And that is how I am. I never let my mom … or my husband… go through my Facebook inbox or my mails or Whatsapp messages. They are places where my friends share their thoughts and deepest concerns with me. And they are for me. ME only. Not for me to discuss and gossip with around my family when I am bored.

Some people really need to understand the concept of Trust. It is embarrassing for me to even point it out because it is not something you can not teach any one. The best possible way is to avoid such scenarios.

slightly annoyed.

The Talk

We all know that “Talk”right? The one our moms have with us right before we are married. (In some cases you hear it all through your teenage life.) You know the one I’m talking about;

Here is a roundup of the Top 4 offensive things that are often said to Desi Bride-to-Be’s

  1. “My daughter, you are getting married into a nice family, be thankful of that.”

    (jee mom you say that as if I don’t deserve them) .

  2. “Take care of them. Behave. Always stay quiet. If they say something just ignore it. Do not reply back. Respect the in-laws.”

    (What does respect have to do with staying quiet? why are we teaching our daughters that? speaking up for your self in a manner that is not offensive to any body is also do-able you know)

  3. “Don’t work if your husband does not allow it.”

    (well is he promising to spoil you like your dad did and to take care of all your expenses and demands? oh puhlease… educate the girls! Teach them to be independent so they have the opportunity to explore who they are and what they desire to become…& not just a shadow. if she personally wants to stay at home? that is her choice. Luckily that’s the one good thing about being a girl 🙂 you can choose).

  4. Learn how to cook perfectly! Serve their guests when they come over other wise they will question your mother’s upbringing.

    (WHO THE HECK put the meter to measure a woman’s upbringing INSIDE a CUP OF TEA made by her DAUGHTER?)

As per my experience, 85% of the “Talk” has been conducted with the young ladies and not the gentlemen. As a mother of a little boy, I feel it is just as important to have that TALK with a boy as with girls. For more honest take on that please watch this space!

Please read a post I have previously wrote to the Parents of Daughters.

xox

To the woman who secretly cried

Now I get it, I understand

What bothered her

Need for Love, need for Attention, need for Pampering

Now I get it, I understand

Why there was no salt in the gravy, Why the rice was burnt, Why the sink was dirty

Now I get it, I understand

What drove her crazy

The resistance, the refusal to change, the running away

Now I get it, I understand

Why she suddenly cried

The Unfinished goals, the incomplete Dreams, the abandoned ambition.