The Talk

We all know that “Talk”right? The one our moms have with us right before we are married. (In some cases you hear it all through your teenage life.) You know the one I’m talking about;

Here is a roundup of the Top 4 offensive things that are often said to Desi Bride-to-Be’s

1. “My daughter, you are getting married into a nice family, be thankful of that.”

   (jee mom you say that as if I don’t deserve them) .

2. “Take care of them. Behave. Always stay quiet. If they say something just ignore it. Do not reply back. Respect the in-laws.”

   (What does respect have to do with staying quiet? why are we teaching our daughters that? speaking up for your self in a manner that is not offensive to any body is also do-able you know)

3. “Don’t work if your husband does not allow it.”

   (well is he promising to spoil you like your dad did and to take care of all your expenses and demands? oh puhlease… educate the girls! Teach them to be independent so they have the opportunity to explore who they are and what they desire to become…& not just a shadow. if she personally wants to stay at home? that is her choice. Luckily that’s the one good thing about being a girl 🙂 you can choose).

4. Learn how to cook perfectly! Serve their guests when they come over other wise they will question your mother’s upbringing.

   (WHO THE HECK put the meter to measure a woman’s upbringing INSIDE a CUP OF TEA made by her DAUGHTER?)

As per my experience, 85% of the “Talk” has been conducted with the young ladies and not the gentlemen. As a mother of a little boy, I feel it is just as important to have that TALK with a boy as with girls. For more honest take on that please watch this space!

Please read a post I have previously wrote to the Parents of Daughters.

xox

Tikka Club Sandwiches

When I am super tired of cooking all the curry and gravy-licious food… I do a harsh U-turn and opt for something dry and spicy! My favorite thing to serve on weekends is Tikka Club Sandwiches; they are light, an easy snack for Movie time with the hubby and quick to assemble. Moreover you can pop the leftover chicken/meat in your fridge for use on Mondays!

So here is what you will need (makes around 4 sandwiches depending on how filling you want your sandwich)

Ingredients & Method:

Take 1/2 kg Boneless chicken
Add 1 tsp Ginger garlic paste
2-4 Tblsp of SHAAN TIKKA MASALA (Already contains salt)
1 tblsp Yogurt
Juice of 1 Lemon
1 chopped Green Chilli
Chopped onions! (Optional )

Marinate the Chicken and set aside for like 30 minutes.

Heat oil in a wok; add the marinated chicken and saute until the meat is cooked and there is no gravy.

Assemble:

Take a piece of your favorite bread, spread ketchup/mustard/mayo. Basically any sauces of your liking. I personally love mustard. Then top it with the cooked hot Chicken!!
Top that with Lettuce Leaves, and another Slice of bread.
I like to add a plain omelette to it to make it more filling. So I make it with just salt and black pepper.
Add Cucumbers and tomato slices as per taste.. Cheese Slice!!!!! and voila! your done!

I consider this “healthy” food so I prefer serving it with baked potato wedges instead of fries. But that is totally up to you.

 

Enjoy your meal!

xox

 

 

 

 

 

The Winner

A Winner is a Dreamer who never gives up.

~Nelson Mandela

Why are you stuck in this career? You should be somewhere else…

Has anyone ever asked you that? or told you that you would be so much better at XYZ. I think this question is triggered because of the clash/contrast between personality and the job that you do.

I was asked once.. and then again many times..by different people;

Why are you stuck in this field?

In normal circumstances I just avoid or ignore the question. If I scratch through the surface and go deeper into the question I ask myself:

Why is ANYONE stuck in a job they don’t like/enjoy/admire/are-passionate-about?

It is because people are too afraid. They feel obligated to follow a decision that was made FOR them maybe 10 years ago. I don’t get it. What is up with the system? Why are 18 year old children forced to make a decision on what they want to do for the NEXT 40 YEARS of their lives? I mean who knows what they want to do at 18? very few. And more often than not (after graduation) people immediately start to regret their decisions.

Very few are lucky enough to know exactly what they want.

Even fewer are bold enough to accept it and go for it.

…and EVEN fewer are willing to go against the current for it.

It is much much easier to do the norm. To adopt a cookie-cutter career choice.

Any one from the Desi community would relate to this:

“Son, you can either be an Engineer or Lawyer.” yea no other options.

“Daughter, you will be a doctor.” Period. No more discussion. Any other occupation and you don’t qualify to be on the Goody List of the Khaandan (extended family).

As a mother, I pray that one day I can be as supportive of my son’s dreams and passions as I wish someone would have done for me. I pray that he finds what he is passionate about and does it with honesty and integrity. And I wish all the success to him in all endeavors of life.

 

 

Disclaimer.

Be your own Happily Ever After

Majority of people spend half their lives depending on others. They go day by day confused as to why they are never truly happy or satisfied.

At this stage of my life, when I’m about to exit the 20s era, I am finally beginning to realize that the true happiness comes from within. And not everyone is lucky enough to have an innate mentality that supports this chore. You have to make a conscious effort in order to not compare your self to others and not to submit to the standards that are set my society.

We, as girls in a Desi (South Asian) culture, are taught so many things, irrelevant things.

How to be a Lady;
How to behave;
How to dress;
How to cook & clean;
How to constantly struggle to land a Potential husband (without which you are incomplete and a loser);
How to win in-laws hearts,
How to how to how to…

To name a few. All this  and not ONE of them teaches you that you are important too. You are the only person who can LOVE you 100%. If you are not going to set your own standards for yourself, then someone else will. And trust me when someone else does it, you will never be up to the mark hence making you feel like you are never good enough.

Happiness can’t depend on an external source. It needs to come from within. You can only be truly at peace if YOU are your true love.

Love your self first.

Give EVERYTHING to yourself. Work hard for your self.

 

Remind your self regularly;

You are a whole person.

You are not incomplete.

You do not need another human to complete you.

It is nice to have someone in your life that you love truly and who loves you back. All I need …as a reminder to myself.. and for every girl out there, love truly and deeply but love yourself first. Put yourself first. No one (except for maybe your mommy) will love you the way you are capable of loving your self.

xo

Being Pink Sensitive

As I wrote earlier in my PINKTOBER blog post, what irritates most Cancer Survivors is the annoying/baseless questions that are thrown their way. No thanks, I do not want a constant reminder of what I have gone through …and how insensitive you are.

So I just wanted to go ahead and inform people of some Do’s and Don’t of Talking to a Cancer Survivor.

(This is my personal experience and opinion & not meant to hurt anyone)

1. “But you are so young.”
   Oh I am sorry, the disease didn’t check my ID.
2. “Did you loose all your hair?”
   I could possibly DIE… already have self-image issues, and you are concerned about the hair.
3. “Why do you cover your head (with wig or scarf)  embrace it; it’s okay”
   Again… what with the questions regarding Looks man.. already self conscious about it. Do not need you pointing it out (unless you are like really close to me).
4. “How was your diet pre-cancer?”
   Yes I ate my way into cancer.
5. “So you are good now… like what’s next?”
   Almost as bad as asking “So when are you planning on dying?”
6. “Are you done with your medicine? Are you in remission”
   You are never in remission with breast cancer. It can always come back. That’s what I hear at least.
7. “Is it because you are married?”
   An actual question I was asked multiple times. What does that have to do with anything?
8. “This too shall pass”
   My oncologist actually said this to me when I was diagnosed. It took ALL of my mom’s teachings and ALL THE will power inside me not to jump across the table and punch the ish* out of her. HOW do you know it will pass? How can you tell I will be fine? Stop pretending you know what effect this will have on my personal life. Because you.do.not.know.

                                     

On the other hand, what we would love to hear is:

1. “Is there any thing you want to eat; do you want me to cook anything for you?”
   Thanks to my lovely friends who cooked me pasta and brought me birthday cake etc.
2. “Do you need company to the hospital?”
   Yes please… I need jolly company on the trip
3. “How do you feel, you wanna talk?”
   I may not be comfortable enough with you to talk about my feelings, but I APPRECIATE  it truly.Thank you for asking.
4. “It is amazing how you have bounced back! You are better than ever!”
   I try.
5. “Here, a PRESENT, for all the things you do around here regardless of your own struggles.”
   😀 😀 😀
   
6. “Thank you for going the extra mile to ensure my life is least effected”
   Husbands,husbands of Survivors, please note that your wives are working extra hard to make sure your home is run eXactly as it was running pre-cancer era. She wakes up early to send you to work, she makes you delicious meals, she tries to laugh … she dresses up so she can be pretty for you. Appreciate her efforts time to time. A little sugar never hurt anyone.
7. “You push too hard, take some rest, I’ll make you coffee”
   Again===> 😀 😀 😀
8. “It is OK if you are frustrated, I understand.”
   This is the one thing that is very difficult for people to understand. Since only the person who has gone through it truly knows the psychological impact. But please do try to understand the frustration and feelings of “Why me?” a survivor is going through. It is not about pity. It is about caring and knowing how the person feels. 

    

   xox

Healthy Snackin’ Ideas

Hey,

As promised, here are the different snackin’ & munchin’ pouches I made for traveling. Actually these are so healthy you could just keep some lying around at home for easy access… that way you won’t be tempted to ruin your diet by having 2 packs of Doritos 😛

1. Dried Fruits/Nuts: I bought packets of a bunch of different dried fruits/nuts that I liked. I used Cashews, dried apricots, pistachio, almonds and raisins for some sugar! (You can use your favorites). Then I just mixed it all in a bowl and made small servings in zip-lock bags. Easy to handle even for my son anddd you can keep 1 in your purse for instant munching and put away the rest in your carry-on.
2. Cereals: Another great option is to go for cereals. My son loves to snack on Chocos, Froot loops and Frosted flakes. So I made a little zip-lock bag of that as well. It is sweet so keeps the baby happy… and you don’t feel too guilty about it. And if need arises you can just add some milk to it for some cereal goodness.
3.  Popcorn & candy:I made some popcorn at home (I don’t like to use the microwave kind), 1 pack of m&m, some bread sticks (or you could use pretzels) and peanuts. I made 2 small bags for snacking. (This one was a hit!should have made moreeee)

If you are traveling with a baby soon please also read Surviving a Flight with the Toddler. Hope it’s helpful!

xox

This Pinktober- Go Pink

Pinktober October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I decided to write this blog after going through Going MIA. Fighting.Surviving.Coming back all Fabulous again. 

I understand how difficult it can be to talk about this horrible disease. Sometimes when I meet new people, I don’t even want them to know cause that way I can pretend it never happened. Nonetheless, I feel it should be discussed and people should raise awareness in order to promote early detection. The disease is best treated from roots in its early stages. It is essential for young women to understand how to examine themselves to ensure early detection! If you do not already know, go here.

You can also google different websites for additional information. Also, there are now apps for your phone that will set reminders for you to conduct your self-exams and/or set an appointment for mammograms. 

Ladies, PLEASE! This is NOT something you wanna be shy about. If you notice any abnormalities immediately see a doctor. Do not take your health casually. I recently met this mother at my son’s school and we became good friends. When I told her about it, she found courage and said she has been noticing abnormalities (lumps) but is too afraid to go see a doctor. I offered to go with her and encouraged her to go ASAP. She eventually went with her husband; which was a blessing cause her lump turned out to be benign. 

I noticed that when I would inform women in my family also. Some people tend to get defensive about it and say “It is not going to happen to us just cause it happened to you”. I HOPE no one has to go through it, but it is a harsh and common reality now a days. It can happen to any one. Early detection is key. 

For all other fellow survivors out there I want to tell you that it will get better! You just have to hang in there… when you feel like you just.can’t.do.it.anymore…just hold on 1 second longer… It won’t be the same as before, but I promise you it will be better than the now. You will feel like you will never laugh again or find joy. Guess what? You will experience all those things. Like when Miranda (Sex and the City Movie) said “Yes…when something is really really funny.”

One of the top things that bothered me most during chemo  was not to be able to eat away my emotions. The Chemo-mouth was so horrible that I couldn’t even eat my favorite meals. And since you are not allowed to eat out…forget the binge eating burgers and pizza.

YES the sour taste in the mouth has been GONE gone gone. I slowly started experimenting with food again! At home and at different restaurants like I used to! (I eat out about once a week). 

I also started working again so that keeps my mind off of the negativity. The key is to keep your self busy. So BUSY that you don’t have time to allocate to self-pity and depression. 🙂 🙂 Smile people SMILE. Find something you love and do it every day… doesn’t matter what it is; read a novel, watch a movie, scroll through Instagram!  😀 😀 😀

If you are going through it and are confused, please feel free to contact me at mamawifeyme@gmail.com. For sure it is the most difficult time of any ones life; even if I can be of help to 1 person out there I’d be super grateful.

Apart from that though, what I find slightly annoying is that people really do not know how to talk to survivors and what to say… they seem to lack knowledge and even efforts to find out more.

For a list of Do’s and Don’ts, keep coming back. I will definitely write more on that in the upcoming post. 

xox